A man goes to the doctor saying “Doc, I have a problem: I can’t make any decision. I’m always in doubt. Or… hmm.. am I?”
I’m a smart guy. Really. I graduated from top European universities, with impressive academic results, etc. The problem with smart guys is that they have too many choices. Knowing you performed pretty well in the college classes makes you confident you’ll do the same in real life. After all, there were so many courses I was clueless about, but aced them after just a couple of days of study, that any random field can become familiar after a thorough 2-3 days study.
But like any teenager growing up, once I graduated from college I was met with a handful of choices: start a career in software development, follow a PhD in one of the many Computer Science-related fields, or even start my own business. The problem with smart guys is that they get too confident. Any field seems accessible. Yes, unfortunately almost any field IS accessible. So the problem is… which path should YOU take? Most life choices are therefore reduced to decision problems: should I take this path or that other one?
It’s probably a problem of maturity – as we grow up, we must make more and more decisions. Almost unlimited choices make you waste more and more time trying to decide things. In my case, I wasted countless months trying to follow different paths: in the last year alone I tried around 6 different startup ideas, invested energy and time in developing products, only to later change my mind and pick some other paths.
So.. what can one do? Is there a solution to the countless decisions problem?
I guess there’s no unique answer. Or.. is it? For now, the most I can say is that one should try to become a more decided and confident person. Flip the coin if you have to, but make up your mind! Faster! Don’t know what bus to take? Flip the coin! After all, most of our life is governed by hazard, a bit of extra hazard can’t make it worse than it already is…
What about important, life-changing decisions? I can’t help you on this one. But you can help me: what do you do to make up your mind between several business ideas, life changing opportunities or other life paths?
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16 Responses
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What work for me is to us a random choice to test my true feelings. I will flip a coin or other such random event telling myself that I will let it determine my choice. If I immediately feel uncomfortable with the results of the coin flip then I know my true desire was the other option.
Now I can make my “real” decision.
Sounds strange but try it – it works!
Dunno, but some recent research would seem to suggest you will be happier in the long run if you just buck up and pick a path that seems appealing instead of agonizing over the decision or trying hard to pick the “optimal” path for you.
To make important decisions I like to think about the issue for a while, sleep, and then go with my gut feeling after I wake up.
You need to understand yourself better, and make use of that knowledge.
It sounds like you see something really interesting to do, and follow it. Then after a while, you get bored, and decide you made the choice. So then you try something else. That’s exactly what I do.
I’ve realised that I enjoy the creative, inspiring, idea generation stage. I like starting things. It’s new and exciting. So I’m looking at becoming a consultant, because consultants are brought in for a short time, then someone else follows up on it all, and I’d get to go have ideas for a different project.
If that sounds like you, then you need to do one of two things. Either choose a career that suits your personality (without assuming that all the stuff after the initial fire will just happen), or you need to work on learning how to complete things, how to stick with things. Ideally, do both.
So put yourself in a project that will grind away for 6 months, and see whether you learn to cope or just end up hating it.
Really, the principle is to know yourself, and make use of that knowledge. Ask your friends and family what their impression is of you. They may have more insight for you than you expect.
Phil, that’s an excellent advice. Thank you, really.
I will provide you a nice quotation from one of Carlos Castaneda books. Just think to this one cause it might help you:
Anything is one of a million paths. Therefore you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if you feel you should not follow it, you must not stay with it under any conditions. To have such clarity you must lead a disciplined life. Only then will you know that any path is only a path and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you to do. But your decision to keep on the path or to leave it must be free of fear or ambition. I warn you. Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary.
This question is one that only a very old man asks. Does this path have a heart? All paths are the same: they lead nowhere. They are paths going through the bush, or into the bush. In my own life I could say I have traversed long long paths, but I am not anywhere. Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn’t, it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn’t. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you.
Before you embark on any path ask the question: Does this path have a heart? If the answer is no, you will know it, and then you must choose another path. The trouble is nobody asks the question; and when a man finally realizes that he has taken a path without a heart, the path is ready to kill him. At that point very few men can stop to deliberate, and leave the path. A path without a heart is never enjoyable. You have to work hard even to take it. On the other hand, a path with heart is easy; it does not make you work at liking it.
I have told you that to choose a path you must be free from fear and ambition. The desire to learn is not ambition. It is our lot as men to want to know.
The path without a heart will turn against men and destroy them. It does not take much to die, and to seek death is to seek nothing.
For me there is only the traveling on the paths that have a heart, on any path that may have a heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge for me is to traverse its full length. And there I travel–looking, looking, breathlessly.
Vladimir Lem: Hypothetically, if the only choice you’ve got is to do the wrong thing, then it’s not really the *wrong* thing, is it? It’s more like fate.
Max Payne: Vlad was right. There are no choices. Nothing but a straight line. The illusion comes afterwards, when you ask ‘Why me?’ and ‘What if?’. When you look back and see the branches, like a pruned bonsai tree, or forked lightning. If you had done something differently, it wouldn’t be you, it would be someone else looking back, asking a different set of questions.
I think an important part of making decisions is not worrying about decisions (whether they be decisions you are making, decisions you have made, or decisions you may make someday). Many people struggle to make decisions because of the inner turmoil they’ve brought on themselves by worrying about decisions (which is very silly, because the main decision they are making is to feel bad about making decisions, yet they are still happy to make the decision to worry).
#5′s thoughts are correct. For 3 yrs now, 24/7 I have had an issue I CANT RESOLVE OR DECIDE ON and its very stressful. But what he said about #5 “the path free from fear and ambition?”…I like that free from fear……………fear is what stops us from being brave enough to go for what we love. But……be careful, greed is not the reason to move forward, (that can backfire)
so far in life, If I want something without greed, it comes……..If I want something with greed, IT DOESN’T.
I am always doubting trying different things. I never get anywhere else I want to go. It usually has to with money and security. If I want to start or buy a business, I have to use my resources to do it with. Then I get scared I am leaving my security or safety zone. If I use my resources (money) then I have to leave my job, for the business venture and if I fail, I will lose everything and have to start over again, but in reality I want so bad to try something different, but I also know if I fail then I’ll have to start over again, and it isn’t easy starting over again at 50. And I see others who do what I wanted to do, and succeed, most of the time. But it is very frustrating.
I have a voice that is my saviour, hates to love and loves to hate, I have a voice that has the knowledge and the power to rule your fate…
Max Payne is my favorite game and i also like the movie.`-;
Seth Godin’s ‘The Dip’ is also helpful on deciding whether to keep going on the path you have already taken – focussed on achieving things. Sometimes good paths go through difficult patches, or doesn’t seem to reap rewards, but it’s just a phase you have to get through.
max payne is my favorite game character and i love to play that game too”-’
i watched the movie MAx Payne and it is sort of psyschedilic he he he “”,
As someone said above, nothing!
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